The Knicks have a large collection of lefties on the roster this season… could the past indicate that this means the Knicks are destined for greatness?

Hello Knicks fans. Stop what you’re doing. Listen to this very important news.

Twelve percent of you are in for a treat this season. Twelve percent of you will feel a bespoke biological bond with a future four-man lineup destined for certain greatness. Twelve percent of you will well up with pride as your directionally-dominant comrades stride out onto the Madison Square Garden hardwood this season and make sweet, sweet, left-handed history.

Jalen Brunson, RJ Barrett, Julius Randle, and Isaiah Hartenstein are all left handed, you see. They all play different positions, too. And given the inconsistent health and offensive limitations of Mitchell Robinson — the Knicks’ presumptive starting center — they should get some significant run together. 

This is self-evidently wonderful news. Not just because left-handers are objectively excellent humans, wise and kind and professionally serious basketball writers, but because this sudden glut of lefties in New York can only be seen as a symbol of the franchise’s imminent prosperity. 

The list of legendary lefties with Knicks ties speaks for itself.

Willis Reed.

Dick Barnett.

Anthony Mason.

Phil Jackson (pre-goatee). 

Rick Brunson.

Kenny Payne.

Zach Randolph.

Darko Miličić.

Brandon Jennings.

Beno Udrih.

Tony Wroten. 

David Lee.

Greg Anthony.

Ignas Brazdeikis

Michael Beasley.

True legends, one and all. 

But is that all it is? Is there a deeper meaning hidden here? An omen of sorts?

Let’s consider the stone cold facts.

It’s a fact that the last time a Brunson played a debut season in New York, the Knicks made a Finals run. 

It’s a fact that Patrick Ewing played his first six seasons in New York without a single left-handed player making a Knicks roster, before being joined by two lefties — Mason and Anthony — in the 1991-92 season to kickstart a dominant decade of Knicks basketball. 

It’s a fact that the Knicks haven’t had four left-handers on a roster for 42 years. But between 1965 and 1979 they had four lefties seven times, three lefties four times, and even had a season in 1968-69 featuring six left-handers! They also, you know, won the only two NBA championships in Knicks history during that span, meaning this was simultaneously the most left-handed and most successful period the franchise has ever had.

Clearly, then, this concept of left-handedness as a strategy needs to be explored. The facts demand it. This might be the Knicks’ version of the Warriors’ “lightyears ahead” experimentation. Only with the slight difference that they went for otherworldly shooting as their experimental differentiator while we’re going for mass lefty lineups. Maybe this is why Leon Rose — clearly a closet historian of Knick handedness — didn’t pull the trigger on the Donovan Mitchell trade, him being a humdrum right-hander. Maybe this is why he doesn’t talk to the media, afraid he might let slip a Freudian clue to his lefty masterplan.

REPORTER: “So Leon, what really happened with the Mitchell trade?”

LEON ROSE: “We decided to go in a different direction”

REPORTER: “Which direction?”

LEON ROSE: “The direction of a transcendent hive-mind lineup of southpaws”

REPORTER: “Huh?”

LEON ROSE: “The direction of an ascending and re-signed lineup I vouch for”

The final piece of that masterplan, by the way, may be hiding in plain sight: Rokas Jokubaitis.

He’s a player the Knicks drafted in 2021, and has been stashed overseas playing for Barcelona. He’s a player who just happens to be left-handed. And he’s a player who just happens to be a sweet-shooting 6-foot-4 combo guard who would fit in ever so snuggly and oh so coincidentally playing the 2 spot next to Brunson, RJ, Randle, and Hartenstein. 

Well, that settles it then: one left-handed lineup to rule them all. I wonder how many championships we’ll win in this rebooted golden age? I mean two would be OK, I guess. Maybe the title quota will be adjusted for inflation. Two titles in the ‘70s is worth at least three titles in today’s money. We also need to factor in just how positionally perfect this future quintet is. There’s no lineup data to check, but only once in team history did we have enough lefties to form a positionally-sound five-man lineup, back in 1968-69: Howard Komives (PG), Dick Barnett (SG), Don May/Mike Riordan (SF), Phil Jackson (PF), and Willis Reed (C). This is some rare lefty lore we’re about to tap into here.

It’s a relief, really. Knowing we’ve got a minimum of three championships coming our way in the next decade or so. It means we can watch this season with a sort of detached serenity. Especially the four-man lineup — Brunson, Barrett, Randle, Hartenstein — that is the cosmic signal of much confetti to come. Twelve percent of you will probably start to levitate a few inches off your couches when they first share the floor in the regular season. No need to be alarmed, remember, the facts are on our side. 

Just think of it as practice for when Rokas joins the roster next summer and the real fun starts.