Know what beats rock, paper & scissors? LeBron James.

In 2003 the United States military attacked Iraq because of a crime apparently commited by Saudis, That ‘70s Show was on TV and the New York Knicks were lottery-bound. Today America’s politicians are afraid of M&Ms, That ‘70s Show has gone full ‘90s despite leaving TV, and the Knicks spent another night looking squarely — cylindrically? — down the barrel of that ‘03 draft.

‘Tis no slander of Mike Sweetney, whom New York drafted ninth in 2003 and who was always easy to root for (he currently coaches at Yeshiva University and, from what I hear, is a pleasant, nice guy), nor slander of the Knicks for not tanking and drafting higher – unlike much of the world, the ‘03 Knicks weren’t built to fail. This was still a team that co-starred Allan Houston and Latrell Sprewell. They weren’t bad enough to pick high enough to land LeBron James. Ever since that draft night, James has brought glory and trophies to three different franchises. In that draft and subsequent free agency, the Knicks could never land LeBron. When they face off, they usually can’t stop him, either.

So yesterday, the day the American president told COVID it has until May 11 to quit it already, LeBron played at MSG for the first time since before the pandemic. James, 38, racked up a triple-double in leading the L.A. Lakers to a 129-123 overtime win. Remember the 2013 Knicks, who featured Rasheed Wallace and Marcus Camby? And by “featured” I mean “occasionally thawed and played in garbáge time?” They were 38. Today Andre Iguodala is 39; he’s played nearly as many minutes all year (42) as his age. Carmelo Anthony is 38 and trying to remind the league he’s still alive.

That’s what 38 is supposed to be. 38 is the age when something is always up with your body, when reaching for something you dropped while driving can result in a pulled back, a dislocated shoulder or spontaneous combustion. It is the age when NBA players hang around for the lifestyle, or for the love of the game, or because they’re gonna go into coaching and 38 is part of their internship. 38 is not where this happens.

Then again, in context . . .

With exactly 24 seconds left in regulation, the Lakers had the ball, which means LeBron had the ball. 19,763 and millions at home knew what was coming without ever quite knowing what form it would take. That was and has always been the beauty of LeBron. He is Michael Jordan’s athleticism in Karl Malone’s body with Garry Kasparov’s mind and Rasputin’s relentlessness, a constantly shifting storm of unstoppables: the pick-and-roll, the step-back three, the crosscourt pass to the weakside corner for 3, the drive-and-drop-off, taking bigs off the dribble, taking smalls to the post, the smash-and-grab push to the cup. How do you solve a problem like Maria when Maria knows all the answers and has since she was 18? 

James drove and dished to Anthony Davis, who made a lovely spin move or what might’ve been one if it hadn’t smacked right into Jalen Brunson’s grill, an offensive foul. Brunson was the Knicks’ leading light on the night, scoring 37, so you’d think with 4.5 seconds left in a tie game the Knicks would run the last play for him, or at least involve him in it. I suppose inbounding to Julius Randle is a kind of involvement. I was going to share a clip of what happened, but even the internet deems it indecent.

LeBron entered the night a little more than 100 points away from breaking Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s record for the most all-time. It seemed beyond even James to set the record at the Garden, but he did make some history.

The first athlete who ever blew my mind was Wayne Gretzky. I never saw an individual dominate a team sport at the highest level like he did until Shohei Ohtani came along. The man is an All-Star on the mound and in the batter’s box. There has literally never, ever, ever been anyone like him at the professional level. LeBron is the NBA’s Gretzky and its Ohtani, far superior to any of his peers while advancing beyond the mastery of skills to full command of the game itself. Blessed with a body designed to overwhelm defenders, James has used his intellect and unselfishness to pass nearly every point guard in history in assists; and yet, despite LeBron’s love language being “Nah, serve yourself; I’m good”, he’s gonna end up with more points than anyone, ever.   

Brunson drawing the charge on AD was typical of the Knicks’ response over 20 years of competing with/for LeBron: at best they insert themselves in his line of sight. Maybe they manage a brief blockage of what he’s trying to do. But he’s playing a whole other game than New York. Since ‘03, LeBron has won 10 conference finals; the Knicks have won seven playoff games. Doesn’t seem fair when you put it like that. But remember: on more than one occasion James has seemed more than a little full of himself, whereas Michael Sweetney seems a lovely sort, and manners cost nothing.