Disrespectful (but helpful) Draft Comps: 2022 Draft Class

2022 NBA DraftFeatured

Jun 23

Written By Prez

It’s that time of year again, for the most disrespectful (and in some cases, respectful!) of player comparisons for the NBA Draft. Welcome back to the roast, hosted by Prez.

A story as old as time. A tradition predating not only The Strickland, but some say predating Dr. Naismith himself. Archaeologists and anthropologists have vigorously debated when this practice began, with factions warring over the correct answer and no clear winner in sight. Providing key insight into the human psyche, a window into the mind and a keyhole into the soul, the disrespectful draft comparisons authored by the scribe known only as “Prez” arrive yearly, suddenly, without warning or scientific explanation. Join us as we dive into this deepest part of the basketball internet, but be warned: Prez cannot be held accountable for always being correct. Enter at your own risk.

FYI: Each bullet point, first to last, corresponds to a high-end outcome — a really good and unlikely career, a medium level outcome (much more likely), and low end outcome (unlucky, awful, disappointing, etc.). And each link in the player’s name takes you to their Strickland draft profile.

Chet Holmgren

High: The entire ‘04 Pistons front court (Tayshaun/Sheed/Ben) combined into one white man

Medium: A pterodactyl who hoops
Low: If Kristaps didn’t get his anemia under control

Paolo Banchero

High: Elephant Steroids Jayson Tatum

Medium: Rigatoni Randle
Low: If Chris Brickley trained Brandon Bass

Jabari Smith Jr.

High: Supersize Me Danny Granger
Medium: Bikram Yoga Guru, locking-up-on-defense Danilo Gallinari
Low: Down Souf Donyell Marshall

Keegan Murray

High: Iowa Cornfields Khris Middleton
Medium: Way less athletic, way better shooting, way less fucking annoying Richard Jefferson
Low: Long Lost Happy Morris Bro

Jaden Ivey

High: If Victor Oladipo traded his beautiful singing voice for 10 years of prime hooping instead of just the one he got
Medium: Leandro Barbosa with the hops to match his speed
Low: The one time Jeremy Lin had dreads

Johnny Davis

High: Bootstraps Devin Booker
Medium: Less Flops, More ProActiv Marcus Smart
Low: Kareem Rush with a Dick Vitale cosign

AJ Griffin

High: Crossfit Michael Redd
Medium: Black Bogdanovic (pick one)
Low: Forged Medical Info HIPAA Violation Saddiq Bey

Jalen Duren

High: Jermaine O’Neal x Zangief Fusion
Medium: Okongwu if he never hooped with the Ball family at Chino Hills
Low: Daniel Gafford if he had unlimited stamina instead of very limited stamina