Wizards 124, Knicks 117: Airing of grievances
There were no Festivus miracles in the Knicks’ 124-117 loss to the Bradley Beal-less Wizards.
Here we sit. By the time you’re reading this, it’ll be Christmas Eve, one day before what should’ve been one of the marquee matchups of the Knicks’ season against the Atlanta Hawks on Christmas day.
But the Knicks played a game on another important winter holiday on the night that I’m writing this: Festivus, the brilliant holiday cooked up by Seinfeld character Frank Costanza.
(Am I basing two recaps in a month on Seinfeld references? Yeah, what of it?)
Here’s the basic breakdown of Festivus. It was born when Frank went shopping for his son George. Let’s hear it right from his mouth:
For those of you that are averse to watching videos in an article, let me lay down the core tenets of Festivus for you:
The Festivus pole is erected as the symbol of Festivus. It’s not flashy and it’s not decorated in any way. Tinsel is distracting.
Festivus dinner is an opportunity to hang out with those you love and enjoy a good meal before…
…the airing of grievances, where you tell them about all the ways they’ve pissed you off in the last year.
Finally, there are the feats of strength, where an attendee of Festivus dinner has to pin the host in a wrestling match before the holiday is allowed to end.
So, let’s commemorate this Knicks game with a little Festivus celebration.
The Festivus pole
Madison Square Garden. A basketball arena if there ever was one. It’s actually quite beautiful, so it doesn’t quite fit the analogy here — the trademark ceiling, the Chase Bridge, all the celebrities in attendance for every game. In many ways the Garden is more Rockefeller Center Christmas tree than Festivus pole.
But it’s more what the Garden is supposed to stand for that makes it the Festivus pole. The last truly great era of Knicks basketball was defined by violence (like Frank raining blows on a fellow shopper for a doll for his son). It was no frills, much like the plain aluminum pole. No tinsel in the way the team played — that would just be a distraction. Instead, take this hit on the mouth as your gift.
At present, the Garden represents a different type of no-frills approach. To the 2021-22 Knicks, “frills” equal giving consistent effort for a whole game. “Frills” equal acting as if their home court is something worth protecting. “Frills” equal having a defensive identity, the very calling card that made this team so fun last season.
So yeah, this year’s Knicks team is certainly no frills when they’re playing in MSG.
Festivus dinner
Before we get to the part where we tell each other how much we pissed each other off this past year, let’s have a feast. In the case of this game against the Wizards, the feast was the most turn-back-the-clock of turn-back-the-clock performances from Kemba Walker, who scored 44 points on 14-27 shooting (7-14 from deep) to go with nine rebounds and eight assists. Kemba was beyond amazing. This was as good of a scoring performance as he’s ever put together in the NBA. He really did it all — got inside, hit step-backs on the perimeter, pulled up from midrange. He even pulled off a circus shot to cap a 28-point first half.
This is the Kemba Walker that the Knicks signed up for. This is not at all the same Kemba Walker that Tom Thibodeau rightly benched for playing horribly to start the season. This is a Kemba that understands that he needs to be the same guy that carried Charlotte for all of those years if the Knicks are going to have a shot at turning this thing around right now. Luckily, he’s there right now. Hopefully he stays there and doesn’t go back to his overly-cautious ways of earlier in the season.
Alright, enough of this “fun” stuff. I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re gonna hear about it!
Airing of grievances
Let’s just do this person by person:
Julius Randle: What the hell happened to you, man? You used to lead this team by example, even if you didn’t lead them vocally. What happened to all these group team workout seshes every time you touched down in a new city? What happened to you setting the tone on defense with your surprisingly awesome work on that? What about looking like you give a damn and/or care if this team wins or loses?
Statistically, you or others might look at this game and say it was fine — 22 points, 10-22 shooting, nine boards. Wow, how awesome!
But to anyone with eyes that watched the game (or any games recently), you didn’t look good at all. In fact, you came out so terrible in the second half that it seemed like the prevailing theory was that you’re mad that Kemba was getting shine in the first half. If that’s the case, that sucks! Even if that’s not the case, that still sucks! Get your shit together, Julius!
Kemba Walker: Oh, did you think this game would make you exempt from this? No! Where the hell was this level of play earlier in the year? Not even a 44-point masterpiece like this, just playing like you have in the last three games would’ve saved you from ever getting benched. You’re Kemba Fucking Walker! What on the spaghetti monster’s flat earth ever made you think you had to become a deferential shell of yourself?
Evan Fournier: Oh boy, where do I even begin? Can you just like, try for more than two games in a row before you completely shit the bed again? Every time it seems like you’re making progress towards finding your bearings here, you take two steps backwards. You’re not some second chance Mario Hezonja that has the leeway to pull that off, bub. You’re paid like someone who should be able to play the damn game at a consistently high level. Start acting like it. And even if the offense isn’t working, please give a shit on defense.
Mitchell Robinson: Ditto the first two sentences of the Fournier grievances. You’re playing for a new contract, dude. You just had your best game of the season against Detroit and drew a start here, and then proceeded to let Daniel Gafford work you over for this whole game. The “still getting in shape” excuse only goes for so long… I saw you play about 18 straight minutes at a high level in the Houston game, and you looked like you had your lift back in spades in the Detroit game. At a certain point this just becomes an effort and desire thing, and you’ve gotta show more of both.
Miles McBride, Quentin Grimes, Obi Toppin, Immanuel Quickley, Jericho Sims: You’re all perfect angels, never change a thing about yourselves. I mean that, if you all fall off a cliff someday (literally or figuratively) I’m gonna be devastated.
Taj Gibson: It’s tough to say much bad to you, but I will say this… with Derrick Rose now out for a couple months, you’re gonna need to crank the veteran leadership up to 11. This team is obviously missing that sort of presence.
RJ Barrett: You shouldn’t still be THIS inconsistent in your third year. I’m really excited to see you get back from COVID, and I hope you’re feeling 100%. If you are, I expect you to not be shooting like 20% from deep for months at a time. That’s rookie stuff. You’re also playing for your next contract, bud.
Nerlens Noel: Once you’re back from COVID protocols, stop lying to yourself about your knee. Anyone with eyeballs (except Thibs) can see that you’re clearly hurt. Get that sorted out and then get back on the court at full strength.
Alec Burks: Stop being a starter. I know that’s not your fault, but you were so much more fun off the bench. Speaking of whose fault it is:
Tom Thibodeau: Oh yeah, I saved the best for last. Listen here, Anti-Santa Claus: you need to start holding yourself to the standards you allegedly hold others to. Your coaching leaves so much to be desired. How can this team come out so unprepared and uninspired in almost every third quarter? Yes, that’s partly on the players, but you’re supposed to be a leader of men. Instill some accountability in these guys. Almost all of the things I mentioned above could be remedied with equal discipline across the whole roster. Julius is dogging it to start a half? Guess what, Thibs? You have a perfectly capable Obi Toppin sitting on the bench! Put him in the fucking game, because he’s gonna give you 100% every second of every game, no matter what. RJ marred in a horrible shooting slump? You now have proof that Quentin Grimes can play NBA basketball, give him a spin and see if he can get the offense going. Maybe also work on an after timeout play once in your life. And have some actual offense in your back pocket to run when these guys shift into “iso is lyfe” mode and grind the game to a halt. Also, the next time you make a significant starting lineup change with the team at full strength, can you make it make sense please? I got the Kemba benching. Good job, you can read 20 games worth of lineup data. But putting Noel in for Mitch as the last major change? The hell does that do? Noel can barely slide sideways right now on that bum knee. It’s like you can’t be satisfied with a starting lineup unless it has a glaring flaw that makes the team start out in a hole. You’re being paid very handsomely to coach this team to multiple playoff berths. The talent is there, figure something out already, Mr. “I Eat, Sleep, and Breathe Basketball 24/7.”
Feats of strength
There’s one feat of strength that matters at this point in the season: get some dubs. It’s pretty much now or never:
So there you have it, Knicks: you’re gonna wrestle your shortcomings (and a bunch of crappy teams). Will you guys get the pin and end the Festivus nightmare? If not, expect many more airings of grievances all year round.
